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own life, that I was ignorant to know how to act and that to hang me would be a
judicial murder, that I am fond of animals, that I am very handsome with a
brilliant complexion, that I have blue eyes, that I have green eyes, that I have
auburn and also brown hair, that I am tall and also not above the average height,
that I am well and decently dressed, that I robbed a dead woman to appear so,
that I am brisk and smart about my work, that I am of a sullen disposition with a
quarrelsome temper, that I have the appearance of a person rather above my
humble station, that I am a good girl with a pliable nature and no harm is told of
me, that I am cunning and devious, that I am soft in the head and little better than
an idiot. And I wonder, how can I be all of these different things at once? (25)
Furthermore, this acknowledgment of class and gender makes her realize she differs from
wealthy women. She is neither a mother nor a wife, and at a young age, she laments the fact
that she would never be married or have children of her own. However, she states that
“[children] can be too much of a good thing you could say, and I would not like to have nine
and then die of it, as happens to many. But still it is a regret” (78). This reflection shows that
she is completely aware of the consequences of being a mother, but despite all, she regrets
not fulfilling the role she is expected to as a woman. Another interesting fact, is the idea that
she is not a lady and she has never been, which gives her the freedom to behave the way she
pleases, as she cannot be judged to do so:
‘A lady might conceal things, as she has her reputation to lose; but I am beyond
that’.
‘What do you mean, Grace?’ he said.
‘Only, I was never a lady, Sir, and I’ve already lost whatever reputation I ever
had. I can say anything I like; or if I don’t wish to, I needn’t say anything at all’.
(104)
In spite of not being a woman that follows the social standards, she is aware of her eagerness
and intelligence. On an occasion, she remembers her friend Mary Whitney telling her that
she is innocent, young and ignorant, but she is not stupid, which means that she can learn.