In the film, Susanna Kaysen is first seen in an ambulance being rushed to the
hospital after what is assumed to be a suicide attempt. In a voiceover during this scene,
Susanna says, “Sometimes, it’s hard to stay in one place.” Susanna seems to be asserting
that she has trouble keeping her mind stable, and this is possibly why she may have
attempted suicide. During a session with her therapist, before being sent to the hospital,
Susanna denies her suicide attempt, asserting that she only ingested as much aspirin as
she did because she “had a headache.” This is one of many times throughout the film that
Susanna claims she never intended to kill herself. In the taxi on the way to the mental
hospital, Susanna tells the cab driver that she’s “sad” and that she “[sees] things.”
When Susanna arrives at the hospital, her diagnostic paperwork from the
hospital describes her as “depressed” and “promiscuous,” and states that she had
“attempted suicide.” In therapy with her doctor, whom she calls “Melvin,” Susanna
continues to deny her assumed suicide attempt, and claims that she “was trying to make
the shit stop,” but did n0t actually want to die. Though she voluntarily admitted herself
(under pressure from her mother), she continually acts puzzled as to why she needs to be
in a mental institution, asserting that, unlike herself, all of the other patients belong
there because they are “fucking crazy.”
In a scene during which another patient, Lisa, helps break into Melvin’s office,
the audience gets a glimpse of Susanna’s paperwork. In Susanna’s file, it says that she is
not “able to make wise decisions” anymore, and has “suffered a breakdown.” On the
sheet specifically marked “Diagnostic Impression At Admission” her symptoms are listed
as “psychoneurotic depressive reaction,” “highly intelligent, but in denial of her
condition,” and “personality pattern disturbance, resistant, mixed type [rule out]
Undifferentiated Schizophrenia,” and her “Established Diagnosis” is checked as
“Borderline Personality Disorder.” Susanna then begins to read symptoms of Borderline
Personality disorder from the DSM (although this diagnosis was not in the DSM at the