My husband Tom fished as a boy for ten years in Lough Gill for salmon,
Most of that time, he stood by the lake, watching the dark waters. If he saw a salmon
jumping, he went home. If you see a salmon, you will never catch one that day. But
the art of not seeing a salmon is very dark too, you must stare and stare at the known
sections where salmon are sometimes got, and imagine them down there, feel them
there, sense them with some seventh sense. My husband Tom fished for ten years for
salmon in that way. As a matter or record he never caught a salmon. So if you saw a
salmon it seems you would not catch one, and if you did not see a salmon you would
not catch one. So how would you catch one? By some third mystery of luck and
instinct, that Tom did not have.
But that was how Dr Grene struck me today, as he sat in [end of p.76] silence
in my little quarters, his neat form stretched out in the chair, saying nothing, not
exactly watching me with his eyes, but watching me with his luck and instincts, like
a fisherman beside dark water. Oh, yes, like a salmon I felt, right enough, and stilled
myself in the deep water, very conscious of him, and his rod, and his fly, and his
hook.
‘Well, Roseanne,’ he said at last, ‘hmm, I think it’s true that – you came here
about – how many years ago?’
‘It’s a long while.’
‘Yes. And you came here I believe from Sligo Mental Hospital.’
‘Lunatic Asylum.’
‘Yes, yes. An interesting old phrase. The second word after all quite –
reassuring. The first a very old word, but it’s meaning a little dubious and not a nice
word any more. Though, for myself, when the moon is full, I often wonder, do I feel
– a little strange?”
I looked at Dr Grene and tried to imagine him altered by the moon, more
whiskery, a werewolf possibly.
‘Such enormous forces,’ he said. ‘The tides being pulled from shore to shore.
Yes, the moon. A very considerable object.’
He stood up now and went to my window. It was so early in this winter day
that indeed the moon was the prince of all outside. Its light lay in a solemn glister in
the windowpanes. Dr Grene nodded as solemnly to himself, looking out onto the
yard below, where John Kane and others banged the bins betimes and all the other
clocklike actions of the hospital – the asylum. The lunatic asylum. The place subject
to the forces of the moon.
Dr Grene is one of those men that now and then seem to stroke the phantom
cravats, or some other item of clothing from some other time. Certainly he might
have stroked his beard but he did not. Did he possess some fancy scarf or suchlike at
his neck years ago in his youth I think he might have. Anyway he stroked this
phantom object now, running the fingers of his [end of p.78] right hand an inch or
two above his mere purple tie, the knot thick like a young rose.
‘Oh,’ he said, in a strange exclamation. It was a noise that spoke of utter
weariness, but I do not think he was weary. It was an early-morning sound, made in
my room as if he were on his own. As perhaps to all the intents and purposes of the
actual world he was.
‘Do you want me to consider leaving here? Do you want me to make a
consideration of it?’
But I could make no answer to that. Do I want freedom of that kind? Do I
know what it is anymore? Is this queer room my home? Whatever was the case, I felt